Road Back to Essence: Why I Stopped Living for Others
- Seda Akgun
- Dec 29, 2025
- 5 min read
Updated: Jan 7
Finding the courage to pull over and rediscover yourself in a world that never stops.
For years, I’ve been thinking. Or rather, instead of thinking, I’ve been in a state of constant "motion." Just before I started this painting, I realized something: I haven't truly stopped in years. I haven't taken a moment to genuinely think about myself.
I haven't listened to my soul or my body—not even once. I thought I was making my own choices, but in reality, every decision was made for someone else. My babies, my family, my spouse, my friends, my social circle, and the society I live in... I’ve been walking the path they paved for me.
Perhaps we’ve all experienced this at some point. We’re constantly rushing—chasing careers, looking for homes, finishing degrees, building friendships. But who are we doing this for? Is it truly for us, or is it to satisfy a hidden ego? Is it just to be loved, liked, or to achieve a certain "status" in the eyes of others?
I never stopped to ask myself: “How are you, really?” “How is your soul? What does it crave the most? What do you truly need to be happy and at peace?”
It seems there aren't many people around us who think deeply about this. We are afraid to stop and reflect as if no one is watching or judging us. Being alone with ourselves, listening to the silence, makes most of us uncomfortable.
Imagine this... There is no one around you. No spouse, no parents, no siblings, no children, no friends. No noise. No city, no house, no car. You are alone in the heart of nature. There’s no music or external sound to distract you. It’s just you.
And you ask yourself about every choice you’ve made until today: “If there were no one else around, would I still make these same decisions for myself?”
This piece, brought to life with watercolor and gouache, was born from that very question. As we approach the end of 2025, it’s an outpouring of my reflections on everything that has happened and the possibilities of what lies ahead.
Constant Progress, Constant "Betterment"
My whole life has been a struggle for progress. A hustle for a safer, higher quality, more “correct” life. But I’ve realized that the question “What do you want for yourself?” was always replaced by others: Where is the safest place for my family? Which is the healthiest school for my children? Given the situation in this country, which country is right for us? Is my spouse happy? What about we change the city we live in? Maybe there are better cities for us?
Plans were made, lives were built, and continents were crossed. And yes, I more or less reached the "picture" I dreamed of years ago. But is it exactly as I imagined? Of course not. Does any plan ever turn out exactly as we envisioned?
Time Flies...
My children are growing; in a few years, they’ll be teenagers. And I’ve realized that in 10-15 years, they will likely fly the nest. If I’m lucky, we’ll see each other once a week; if I’m luckier, I’ll get to spend time with my future grandchildren.
Right before I started this painting, this thought hit me: “But what do YOU truly want? What does your heart desire?” In all this chaos, did your heart not matter at all? If you don’t think of yourself, who will nourish your soul? It’s a bitter but clear truth: No one will care for you more than you care for yourself. And whatever you didn't do for yourself will, in the end, not matter much to anyone else.
This isn't about being selfish. It’s a small reminder that we must include ourselves in the equation—right at the top.
Silent Burdens
Our children will one day forge their own paths. Our duty as parents is to guide them with love and wisdom. But often, in our quest to provide for them, we lose ourselves and unknowingly place heavy burdens on their shoulders. Even if we don’t say "I sacrificed everything for you," our actions hand them that hidden invoice.
However, when we live our lives authentically and at peace, our children grow up in that same peaceful atmosphere. Do we have to sacrifice our desires for theirs, or is it possible to live that simple, fulfilling life we dream of with them?
What About the Dreams?
Suppose I want to live in a coastal town, growing my own vegetables in a small garden. Immediately, that inner voice kicks in: "Is there a school there? What about work? What will the kids do?"
I want to look at it differently now: Do your best without hurting yourself. Water finds its way. Growing up with a parent who is at peace with themselves is far more valuable for a child than growing up with a parent who has conformed to the pressures of society.
"On the Road
Life is sometimes long and exhausting. It has many twists, mountains to climb, and thorny paths. But it also has magnificent sunsets and wild flowers.
We don't always have to speed through life. Sometimes you need to shift into first gear and slow down. Sometimes you need to stop and just enjoy the view. Those who want to join you will get in the car; those who want to leave will go before the sun sets.
In any case, you can continue the journey alone, but you cannot continue without yourself. Because if there is no "you" left, there is no road left to travel.
Do not give up your inner peace or how you want to live for anyone. Hold your happiness and health above all else.
This is why I painted this: the road passing through the cacti and hills is our journey back to essence. Where we arrive at sunset is not the expectations of others, but the light of our own soul.
Where are you on your road?
0%At the beginning
0%In the climb
0%Almost at the light
Moodboard for my Home Studio and Products Used in This Piece
1 | Product Name | Price: | Shortened Links |
1 | Himi Guoache Set 112 Amazon | $53.99 | |
2 | Blick Self Healing Mats | $5.03 - $71.25 | |
3 | MEEDEN Ceramic Watercolor Palette：Large Porcelain Artist Paint Palette Rectangle 13 x 9.8 inch | $35 | |
4 | MILISTEN Gouache Ceramic Brush Wash Bowl, White Porcelain Paint, Porcelain Watercolor Painting Dish | $29 | |
5 | Jack Richeson 6-Scoop Ceramic Brush Holder | $16 | |
6 | Arches Watercolor Blocks | $23.50 - $123 | |
7 | Da Vinci Round Fine Tip Watercolor Brushes | $12-$ 45 | |
7 | Da Vinci Maestro Kolinsky Brushes - Set of 4, Series 11 Full Belly Round, Short Handle | $75.14 | |
8 | Wall Organizer Peg Board - Elevate And Declutter Your Gaming And Office - Create A Perfectly Structured Space(White) | $116 | |
9 | Euan Adjustable Metal Desk Lamp | $52.99 | |
10 | Matazzoni Wall Organizer with Wall Baskets | $53.99 | |
11 | Loredana 2" H x 23.6" W x 9.8" D Single Shelf | $115 | |
12 | Matxalen Adjustable Glass Top Metal Base Drafting Table | $243.99 | |
$791.66 |
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Witness the Process . If you’d like to share the calm and meditative process moments of this painting, you can find the 10-minute ASMR YouTube video here: 📺
— Seda | DesignedbySeda
📩 Instagram: @Designed_by_Seda
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